I rarely post the bad stuff in my life, this isn't what this blog is about. But I figure today only comes around once every 4 years so I'm entitled to vent and then it can be forgotten!

 

Mark is still in hospital. His foot is putrid - and I mean that in the medical sense as well. He was also soiling himself due to the high doses on antibiotics going through his system and, obviously, he is extremely depressed. He is likely in there until Monday.

 

I did not deal well with visiting him yesterday. There is a million places I would have rather been then one corridor over from the Maternity Ward of Liverpool Hospital on the Anniversary of my sons death. I told him I didn't know if I could come in, but then I felt guilty and knew he would need clean clothes so 'braved it' and hated every minute of it. But he was glad to see us and so I was happy for that, plus it kept me busy.

 

The thing is, I'm glad he is in hospital. It is giving me a break from him and my thoughts are 'well, if he is in there at least he is not spending money' Money on $15 motorbike magazines that he falls asleep on the lounge reading, so re-reads that page day after day. And then the next week buys the next $15 magazine. Last week I threw out about $500 worth of magazines. $500 that would have paid for our washing machine and aircondition to be fixed.

 

At least he is not spending money on packets and packets of lollies, instead of real food. He doesn't eat 'food' anymore. His teeth are falling out, he rarely showers or shaves and never sleeps a full night in a bed. Any wonder his foot is almost falling off from infection.

 

And more sad than all of the above - the kids  They haven't even missed him......... How dreadfully sad is that. From the father who was an integral part of their lives, playing with them every morning, every evening. To nothing.......

 

I am taking them in tonight. Dee went with me yesterday and with Mum and Dad today. But the other two haven't asked to visit him or when he is getting out..

 

I just had a big barney with him on the phone. He was talking again about the different medications etc he is on and how the drug and alchol dr saw him and said it was ok for him to have 2 valium a day. And i said 'well i dont think it is! I can kind of understand it if you are at work and dealing with a stressful situation or a deadline, but you are lying on a bed in a hospital. You should not need 2 vallium a day.' His response was 'you are entitled to your opinion'. Of which I SAW RED. And told him , 'yes I was, because I had to live with him, had to put up with the shit that no one else sees, had to have an extra child in the house to clean up after and make sure wasn't late for work, so don't patronise me and tell me Im entitled to my opinion.' After which he told me that he was sorry, that he didnt mean it to sound patronising. I said 'i know you're sorry, you're always sorry Mark, but saying sorry and doing sorry are 2 different things and you have been saying sorry for 2 years but you dont 'DO' sorry, despite the fact that you tell H (the pysch) that you do.'

 

Anyway, we then got back ont0 the hospital stuff and how he had a rehab person come to see him to check he could go up and down stairs on the crutches etc and then I just said that i had to go as it was almost school pick up time and we would see him after dancing tonight.

 

So, that's my shittty day so far. Good thing is I finally fixed the drawers in the Playroom (these are the drawers that I asked Mark to fix 6 months ago and his piece of glued wood lasted another week before it fell off.) Now there are 3 screws holding them up and although it's not pretty - it does the job! Darcy's clothes won't fall through into the next draw and I will be able to open all 3 of them, and she wont have any excuse not to put her pile of clothes away!

 

Ok - my vent is over. Roll on March 1st!!! (DAN MAN's BIRTHDAY)

 

 

 

 

 

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Bloody Con made it into the local paper again - being a wee scottish dancing boy is always a photo opportunity for the journalists! Actually, I found out last night, he didnt just make it INTO the local paper - this photo is on the FRONT PAGE!!!! It appeared in last weeks Southern Highlands newspaper.

 What makes me laugh was the caption that went with it....

MAKING A SONG A DANCE: Practicing their Scottish dance backstage

before performing in the primary division is Connor ________ (9)

of Liverpool and Hope _______  (5) from Parramatta.

NINE HEY????????????????!! Hmmm - as Lorraine said on Sunday 'Think you'd better get him to the Dr, he's the smallest 9 year old I've seen'. What bloody idiot typed THAT up?? The number 9 is no where near the number 5 on the keyboard or numeric pad. They got it right for Hope's age, how hard to type it again!

Don't you love that look of concentration on his face???!! Like he's got a pole stuck up his bum! lol

Looking at 'that' shot makes you wonder how he beat Hope in the dance, doesn't it?? She has her supporting foot out, her knee is much further out than his, her hand's tight on her hip and her arm in 2nd is higher! Maybe she made a booboo on stage?? I don't know - I was watching Boy. It was the first time he had done the fling in a comp - and he got 2nd (to a 6 year old!)

 

 

 

 

He is in hospital over night - at least. He has to have all these tests to see that it isn't more sinister. Plus he has to have the antibiotic drip for at least 24hours

Last week Mark said to me 'Look at my toes, see the cuts underneath' I said 'do i have too.....eww yes.'

 

He then went to work.

Then the next day he said 'my toes are sorer, do we have any betadine?'

I said 'we have detol in there, go and soak them perhaps'

 

Next thing i hear is a god almighty scream. He hadn't diluted the detol........................ idiot!

 

The next day his toes were really swollen and he was moaning (I tuned out)

 

That arvo he msged me 'My foots really sore, I think I should go to the dr'

 

"Yes Mark, I think so too. Ring Dad and see if he is home and can drop you down there'

 

Dr says ' You have cellulitis, here are some antibiotics, if its no better tomorrow, get down to the hospital for a drip of antibiotics'

It was no better the next day!

 

So Sunday he spent from 3pm until 9.30pm in hospital having antibiotics intraveneously. And an xray to ensure the infection hadn't gotten into the bone- it hadn't, thankfully.

Now - all this week he has to have off work because he can't walk, he certainly can't ride his bike. He has to have the dressings changed every day.

 

I dropped him at the dr at 11am yesterday morning  and he was still waiting to see her at 3.30pm....... and he has this every day this week!

 

FUN

 

And to add insult to the injury. For Xmas I had given him a motor bike skills course to do, out at some Indy Cart track at Windsor. It's on today! He was so looking forward to it, right up his ally - if it isn't about motorbikes then you don't hold him in a conversation. Well, anyway, he obviously can't go! Thankfully the lady at the booking office has said he can reschedule. Problem is they only have about 4 a year...........

 

And he was supposed to have the psychologist and psychatrist today at Rockdale - and could get to neither, and wasn't up to going anyway. Another 6 weeks before he sees the pychatrist now.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok - there, Ive admitted it. I have a problem - a big blog problem. I am addicted to this blog.

I mean, Im addicted to email, internet, msn - all those things, but BLOGGING i just LURRV!!

 

I wish I could do witty writing, like Lorraine or funny Bridget Jones writing like Peta, or interesting cultural posts like Lynda or fabulously funky posts like Karen! That's where my envy lies! At all these people who blog amazing photos or wonderful poems etc etc etc

 

Me - I just love to write what the kids have been up to. I don't write well and I don't 'do' funny. Sometimes things come out funny because they really were funny. Other times they were funny and the way I write them makes them sound stupid! But I just love to write down the happenings of the Griffo's.

 

I have to always check the stats to see how many 'hits' I've had. I get very excited to read comments, comments make my day! I wish, that this spaceslive wasn't so strict on comments. On lots of blogs (and I peek into LOTS) you just have to leave your name and email and that is all that is needed to put a comment. But on this one you have to be an msn member -bugger.

 

This picture below sums me up!!! (I found it on someone elses blog!)

 

A few weeks ago, on Ava's anniversary I bought a print from Belle & Boo.

 

Mandy, the artist has done some very special prints called the 'Super Princess Series' in memory of Ava.

 

I particuarly loved this one called 'Flowers for Mummy'.

 

By the way - I love ETSY, I think I could go mad there!

At the moment Darcy is forever picking flowers for me, for Nanna, for Leanne, for whomever is around. She brings them inside, gets a cup with some water in it and has them float in there. She checks them every day.

 

The little Ava in the print made me think of that, with her hands behind her back and dressed very 'darcy-ish' in her ballet slippers and pretty dress, and with the curly hair flowing....

 

I asked Mandy at Belle & Boo to please date the photo 5th February, as that is Ava's Anniversary. The print arrived just the other day. I love it! Now to find a lovely frame for it!

 

I love artwork that has a special meaning. When Rowan died, a lady on one of my mums groups sent me two beautiful prints of Rowan trees that she painted. They have pride of place in my loungeroom. One is of Rowan Blossoms and the other Rowan Berries.

 

Here is a shot of them..

 

 

 

I'm on the search for a new camera. As you may recall, Mark 'fixed' my good camera back in December. He wasn't happy because i had taken it down to the beach and it was gritty. So he pulled it apart to clean it. When he put it back together there was one bit left over - never a good sign! And it's not worked since.

 

Very sad about that, I loved the crisp clean photos my camera took!

Thankfully I do have a camera phone. It's not great, the photos are blury at times (as you can see on the blog) but at least I have been able to snap away still.

 

However, I am getting frustrated that I dont have my lovely clear photos back. And my birthday is in less than a month, so I have taken more of an interest in what is out there on the camera scene.

 

They are much cheaper then they were 3 years ago, when I got my kodak, and do alot more now also.

 

What i didnt like about my old camera was that it was too chunky. I want to be able to chuck it in my handbag and have it with me always (like i do with my phone). So I am looking at the little flat cameras that are all the rage. Now, I would love a coloured one, but being the scab that i am, will probably have silver, as they are always cheaper. I  would like at least 5x zoom and a decent megapixal. Also, I want it to be able to use an SD card. I have a 2gb card here that I dont want to go to waste!

 

I looked at dealsdirect today and they have a plethora to choose from! So go have a look!

 

I'm heading towards this one at the moment... http://www.dealsdirect.com.au/p/samsung-nv15-10-1-mega-pixel-digital-camera-soft-touch-technology/

 

And here is a good review about it - Im heading more and more towards this one actually - http://www.digitalcamerareview.com/default.asp?newsID=3217&review=samsung+nv15

If anyone has any tips on what brands are best, or even what brands are totally shocking, please feel free to comment, I would appreciate it!

 

On Friday afternoon, after we got home from Highland. The kids decided to put on a concert. So they went and practised and dressed up in their 'costumes'. Then they had Mark and I sit down to watch their show!!

 

Oh My GOSH!! LOL! Connor was all dressed up in his YMCA outfit from 2 concerts ago - looking VERY camp! And he was very upset that I didn't know where the armbands were LOL! CJ in her bright orange Funky Town outfit - shaking her boodie and DeeDee as a princess (of course!)

 

It made me laugh so much that i just had to video it and stick it up here. Firstly, here are the photos of the 'event'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOW FOR THE VIDEOS!!! LOOK OUT! LOL

     

 

    

 

It was the last 'hour of power' last night at church. Tomorrow Father Pat leaves to travel to Victoria for a mission down there.

 

Ceilidh and I were going to go down , and Con said he wanted to come too - so I took him.

 

He cracked me up. He makes me laugh so much. He would try to sing the songs, having no idea of the words - or reading the few words on the overhead that he knew. CJ won't sing, she just looks at the words.

 

Then Father brought the Holy Eucharist down amongst the congregation. It is very 'pagent-ish' he holds up this big gold statue thingy that has the Host inside of it. He makes the sign of the cross with it over part of the congregation, then moves along to another section and does the same.

Connor stood up and moved right to the end of the pew and stood there watching Father (i was holding my breath that he didnt trip him over) Then when Father went past, Con steps out of the pew and almost follows him down the ailse. It was funny, and people were smiling and giggling - probabaly not praying like you're supposed to! (but then again, a smile can be a prayer!)

 

At one point CJ grabbed my watch to see the time. She looked at it and I said 'what time is it?' She looked at me and said 'ummm, 6...something ummm, im not sure'. Con heard her, grabbed my hand looked at the watch and said 'oh, it's 8.30' Cj looked up at me in amazement!

 

We bought a colouring in book called 'Confession and Communion' which has the story of what happens at confession and what you have to do etc. So CJ is very happy about that.

 

Please keep in your prayers, my friend's husband, Chris. He collapsed on his way home from work on Friday with very very high bloodpressure and has been in hospital ever since. Mishy must be beside herself.  Thinking of you my friend. xoxo

 

Yesterday was the SDAA competition at Mittagong Showground.

IT WAS A BRILLIANT DAY!!

 

Leanne and I had to be there mega early, cause we are the comp secretaries, but that's ok - because it means we can set it up the way we like.

 

The organisers at the gathering, for once, were absolutely WONDERFUL for the dancing. Usually, when there are pipebands involved the dancing gets ignored. Which really RILES us because it is the dancing that brings in all the paying parents,whilst the pipers get in for free.

 

Anyway - great day, great weather, great atmosphere -and GREAT RESULTS!!

CJ danced in six events - she won 5 seconds in those 6 events!!! She danced so well, looked great up there and in the Seann Triubhas, the last dance, she SMILED THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH IT!!! AMAZING!!!!

Connor danced in three events, competing in his Fling for the first time - he got 2nd in the fling and a merit in the Pdbs! He was very pleased to have an hour on the xbox when we got home, as his reward for trying so hard!

 

Dee was a very good girl all day - just potted about in her 'knees up mother brown' outfit!

 

VERY PROUD OF THEM!

Miss Brodie (Con's marry girl from previous post) did her first beginners competition (much to her mother and my concern!) Well, did she show us! She won the fling - TWICE! And the 2nd time was the Trophy Fling, so she got a trophy to keep, and a perpetual to keep for a year and have her name engraved on! And she got 2nd in the swords! She kept asking when she was doing the flora - poor dear hasn't actually LEARNT the Flora yet... But hey - that's Brodie!~ lol

 

So yes - a very productive day all round!

A friend was there, taking lots of photos and she said she'd send the ones of the kids to me when she gets back from her holidays, so I shall post them then. Oh, and typically, Con was photographed for the local paper - wee boy in a kilt always gets the attention!

 

Connor - aged 5 - got TWO Valentines  this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGED 5 - let us just focus on that for a minute!!!!!

 

I got my first one in Year 9, or was it 10? and it wasn't too nice ! lol! It was from Stewart, who went to St Gregs, and wasn't happy that I wouldn't 'go' with him. So I got this 'anonymous' valentine that said 'Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, The Rain on the Roof Reminds me of you - drip drip drip drip!' LOL!!

 

So yes - that was my big V day fling! Then I didnt get another until Russell was on the scene, so I was Yr 11. It was a white gorilla holding a love heart! And then I got one the next year from Stuart, even thought he HAD another girlfriend at the time - lovely!!! That was a single rose. Hmm - that one was heartbreaking though. First time my heart broke was over Mr Stuart Langley.... And the next year Mark was on the scene - actually, he wouldn't have been for V day...

 

Anyway - Connor AGED FIVE got 2!

 

One from his Marry Girl - Brodie. The rest of her class made them for their mothers, Brodie made it for Connor!!!!

 

Then at dancing Saturday Moo comes up and gives him a red envelope with his full name on the outside of it. And inside was a Valentines card! Her mum said to me that Moo told her that it wasn't because he was her boyfriend but because he was her best friend (awwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!)

 

Here he is with Moo's card!! (doing a Foo was ere)

 

 

 

And with Brodie and her card, which she gave him at the competition.

 

 

Ceilidh is currently studying for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. She makes her First Confession on Thursday 6th March, during lent. She then makes her First Communion and Confirmation next year.

 

The way that Liverpool Parish do this, is by a compulsory 2 year course. You attend family lessons for a 6 week period, and then you go to Sunday Mass each week and Ceilidh fills out a personal journal that is given to them. A few times during the 2 years you hand that journal in, and you also have a few more 6 week lessons.

 

I was very cynical and sceptical when it first began, I wasn't very 'Christian' about it all. I felt that it was blackmail to hold us to going to Mass just so she could receive the sacraments.

 

As the months have passed (this began in about October last year) I have however, much to my shock, ENJOYED taking Ceilidh to Mass. It is a very special time for her and I, I dont take the other two (well I do, but very rarely and I dread it every time I have to!) and we talk about the Mass, what Father has said and what her journal has asked.

 

Recently I have particularily felt a restoration of my faith.

There is a visiting Mission Priest at Liverpool. Not a missionary that goes over to 3rd World Countries to 'convert' but one that moves amongst parishes here in Sydney, maybe in Australia and he gets people to want to come back to Mass.

 

His name is Father Keenan. In fact, his name is Father Patrick Francis Moore Keenan - can't get much more Irish than that, can you!!

 

He is a wonderful old man- very funny! I heard him at Sunday mass last week, for the first time, I came home and told mum how much I enjoyed Mass, and enjoyed Father's sermon  - its been a very long time since I have laughed in church, and I did quite a few times that week. Mum said that he had said Mass the week before when she had taken Darcy down (Ceilidh's journal needed returning to Mass, and she and I were in Bathurst for the weekend) and she really enjoyed his mass too.

 

He spoke about a 9 day mission that the Parish was having. Come to mass every day and open your hearts and minds to God and the Holy Spirit. I decided I would like to do it. So on Monday 11th, after dropping the kids to school DeeDee and I went down to Mass. Then Tuesday night after dancing, CJ and I went to 'Hour of Power' (which was like an hour of prayers and songs) and Wednesday I got up and went to 5am mass. And do you know- it wasn't hard to get up. I woke up at 4.30 and thought 'do I really want to get dressed and go down to Liverpool' and I closed my eyes. Then 10mins later I opened them and said 'Yes, i do.' and Im very glad I did. I came home feeling settled and calm and ready to face the day.

 

I walked in, put the jug on, checked my email, made a cuppa, got in the shower and had a nice hot slow shower with no children interupting me, got out and had my now easy to drink cuppa, unpacked and packed the dishwasher, woke up the kiddlets, got them dressed and fed - all without screaming, dropped them at school nice and early and dropped DeeDee at Leannes nice and early. Got to work on time and in time to speak to the teacher before class started. And so my day continued.

 

And I truly believe it is because I had God to help me with that.

 

Thursday Darcy and I went to the 9.15 mass, a little late as I had to speak to Connor's teacher at school. Then Thursday night Ceilidh and I went down, after RG, for the Hour of Power again, and I went to Confession - it has been a very long time since I went to Confession. In fact the last time I went you still had to say 'Bless Me Father For I have Sinned, It has been xxx since my last confession!' I told Father that, and he laughed!

 

And Friday  I arrived late 9.15 mass again after dropping the kids at school, and speaking with CJ's teacher for 20mins during her RFF time. I thought about 5am, but the calling of bed was too strong when I didnt have to go to work afterwards!

 

Ceilidh would like to go back down to Church tonight, after dancing, to take our family photo (Father offered for everyone to bring in a photo of their family for the altar whilst the Mission is on) and to take her bible to be blessed.

 

So, yes, I am on a mission. I am on a mission to try and be a better, calmer, happier, trustworthy and loving mother and wife and daughter and friend. I hope that I can, I hope that these 9 days help me find the strength to do so....

Yesterday the children were asked to wear red to RG for Valentines Day - 'to show how much you love your family and friends'. We had a mad rush trying to find something red for DeeDee. I had the "wiggly hornpipe' leotard for CJ, Con had red bike shorts and a red singlet, but what for Dee? Too late I thought of asking Mandy, to borrow Kaiesha's red love heart crop top. So thankfully, Leanne came to the rescue -and it was perfect - as it was the little red Wiggly Hornpipe leotard! So both girls were matching!

 

Connor and Ceilidh both made Valentine's Day cards for their school teachers that morning too - very cute!!

 

 

Yesterday I walked into my first school at 8.55 and all of Yr 2 were sitting in the assembly room watching the Federal Parliment on TV. Why were they doing that? Because at long long long last the Government has said SORRY to the Aboriginal people regarding the Stolen Generation. It was FANTASTIC to see the school do this, I know that another school I went in to had a special assembly today about it as well.

 

So, I sat there amongst about 70 year 2 kids and many of them fidgetted and many of them whispered, but they all knew why they were there, and hopefully they will remember in years to come that they saw, live, the speech made by Kevin Rudd.

 

Here is a link to the footage....

 

 

But I also found this funny one on youtube..... I don't find it disrespectful, just very funny! lol!

 

   

 

"Today we honour the Indigenous peoples of this land, the oldest continuing cultures in human history.

We reflect on their past mistreatment.

We reflect in particular on the mistreatment of those who were Stolen Generations – this blemished chapter in our nation’s history.

The time has now come for the nation to turn a new page in Australia’s history by righting the wrongs of the past and so moving forward with confidence to the future.

We apologise for the laws and policies of successive Parliaments and governments that have inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss on these our fellow Australians.

We apologise especially for the removal of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children from their families, their communities and their country.

For the pain, suffering and hurt of these Stolen Generations, their descendants and for their families left behind, we say sorry.

To the mothers and the fathers, the brothers and the sisters, for the breaking up of families and communities, we say sorry.

And for the indignity and degradation thus inflicted on a proud people and a proud culture, we say sorry.

We the Parliament of Australia respectfully request that this apology be received in the spirit in which it is offered as part of the healing of the nation.

For the future we take heart; resolving that this new page in the history of our great continent can now be written.

We today take this first step by acknowledging the past and laying claim to a future that embraces all Australians.

A future where this Parliament resolves that the injustices of the past must never, never happen again.

A future where we harness the determination of all Australians, Indigenous and non-Indigenous, to close the gap that lies between us in life expectancy, educational achievement and economic opportunity.

A future where we embrace the possibility of new solutions to enduring problems where old approaches have failed.

A future based on mutual respect, mutual resolve and mutual responsibility.

A future where all Australians, whatever their origins, are truly equal partners, with equal opportunities and with an equal stake in shaping the next chapter in the history of this great country, Australia."

 

Madam Three is right into drawing at the moment. Has used up a zillion of my 'good' cards because I wasn't looking at what she was drawing on and suddenly i get handed an envelope with a beautiful card addressed to someone (usually Connor!)

She then goes out the front and posts them in the letterbox!!

 

At the moment she is doing 5million cards for Danman as it's his birthday next!

 

Anyway....

 

On Friday night when we went out to the club Darcy was VERY VERY excited about seeing her friends.

 

So she decided to draw a map.

She discussed it the whole time she drew it and then the swirls down the bottom are her written directions.

 

THis is what she had to say "you go up Marsden Road and you turn Left and you follow follow follow a long way out to the club around the roundabout and up the hill and down the hill and the corner and thats the Club THERE and there will be Aidan and Brett and Kaiesha and Leilani!''

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are just 45 days remaining until Earth Hour 2008! At 8pm on March 29, Earth Hour will take place in numerous cities across the world, including Chicago, Denmark, Toronto, Manila, Suva, Tel Aviv, Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, Brisbane, Adelaide, Copenhagen, Christchurch and Portland.

Show your support for Earth Hour 2008 by registering your name and and pledging your support.

If you, your friends, family and workmates took part in Earth Hour in Sydney in 2007- or if you didn't take part last year but want to get on board in 2008 - visit www.earthhour.org and register today. Already thousands of individuals and hundreds of businesses have committed to turning their lights off. Addressing climate change is a shared responsibility so our collective efforts to reduce emissions will make a big difference to the health of our planet.